I haven't been feeling myself lately. I haven't really been feeling much of all, honestly. Plenty of frustration, plenty of irritation, plenty of self-pity. But all of that is just layers between me and what I'm feeling. And that seldom breaks the surface, and then only in short gasps. So, this has gone neglected, as has pretty much all my creative work. There're reasons for it, but they feel pretty thin. A brokedown computer, domestic duties. Nothing that takes up a great deal of my time, though, or keeps me from carrying on the work. Well, there's also the constant worrying about the nature of reality, but we all deal with that, right? Don't you also feel like everything and everyone you know is becoming strange and unfamiliar? Surely it's not just me. Well, it takes a lot out of a guy, let me tell you. I needed to get some time away from where I'm living, but this meant reconnecting with a person perhaps best left at a distance. I said before that I don't hate anyone in particular, and that's still more-or-less true, but I don't have a lot of bandwidth for some personalities. I'm sure (quite sure) that interpersonal drama and playing the victim is enjoyable for some sorts, but it's a game I can't stand. I've known a few people who engage in that sort of thing, but at some at least will concede they're in it for the entertainment. But to stir the pot and deny you even know what a kitchen is? There aren't enough spoons in the universe to keep me in that game. But that's where a lot of my spoons have been going. Down that deep, dark drain of the sorts who feed off sympathy and misery in equal measure. There are names for these types, but the names aren't as important as the feeling. I have felt exhausted; moreso than before. I have felt worthless. I have felt unwanted while simultaneously being constantly called upon. And angry. I've felt plenty of that. Maybe this has been the way things are my entire life. Maybe these are just things I'm noticing more now that I'm starting to push against them. But, it really isn't just me, is it? The world is... off. Feels more like "The Matrix" or "They Live" than what I was taught reality is, personally. Mighty hard to maintain any kind of composure in a setting like that. I suppose, looking at it that way, I've done remarkably well. Sure, I haven't been doing any writing, but I keep my room clean, do my laundry, and even handle some of my room-mate's chores, plus getting some deep cleaning done around the apartment. Not an insignificant source of frustration, though, some of that. Pushing through that to any kind of creative accomplishment is a lot tougher than even the thickest of grime lurking under kitchen appliances. But, I'm trying. That's something, at least, whatever Yoda says. Today, I got up, did a few dishes, and made coffee. It's not even noon, though, so we'll see. Due to the aforementioned computer breakdown, I lost some of the work I'd done on the site that didn't get uploaded. So, no updates for now, aside from this.